bluegrass superliga

A long time ago in a fantasy league far, far away…

EPISODE VIII

The World Flipped Upsidedown

Bluegrass SuperLiga

Astronomers have been dazzled by recent discovery of bizarre solar systems with two, three, sometimes four stars.  Here, in our boring old system, scientist thought we were in a solar system that contained one star, our Sun.   Amazingly, and unexpectently, scientist discovered another star, one aliminating the world with brilliance, and knowledge.  This star sits at the center of the fantasy universe, inviting you, no imploring you, to be trapped in its massive gravity…and be taken Inside the Fantasy.  So shut the door to your room/office, turn the lights down, and stop breathing so heavy (your coworkers hate it), because your about to go “Inside the Fantasy” ©

Jeffrey’s Boys:

On August 20^th of this year, a puff piece was written by Hater’s manager J. Herrington entitled “Jeffrey’s Boys.”  The article, which was bizarrely centered around league doormat Hater’s, did little to analyze “Jeffrey’s Boys” real world chances of attaining fantasy immortality.  Inside the Fantasy wants to take you dear reader, to an in-depth look at two of these boys, brothers Sardar, and rewrite the article to better reflect reality.  Randall Herrington and John Copper, the other Boys, seem to be about where everybody expected, and will not feature in this article.

The Sardar Brothers:  Jeffrey’s Big Brothers

Born on the mean streets of Chicago, the Sardar Brothers grew up in a household built on sacrifice.  Their father worked his ass off, mother too, to make sure these boys became men.  Both borothers know what it’s like to go to sleep hungry, and both know how to let that experience drive them forward, forever hungry, forever driven to achievement.  The teams the put together at the beginning were sickly, anemic, and the league ridiculed them, chastised them, tried to make them feel like the outsiders that they were.  But the Sardar family spirit, la cosa nostra, has been driving them both to the top of the table, despite the Haters.  Inside the Fantasy asked Zaen Sardar, league leader, how he and his brother had defied expectations?  He smiled, saying its in his blood, summed up by the Sardar family motto, “Success is a Choice.”

Faris Sardar exemplified this motto last week by shocking the world (it should be less shocking now) by executing a Pro Wild Card against his former mentor turned student J. Herrington.  With his team in shambles, Faris Sardar turned the tables, putting together a formidable team capable of keeping his team at the top.  “When I commit to something, I strive to be the best, no half-assing it,” said Faris.  Upon seeing Faris team, J. Herrington knew he was beat.  “This year has been no fun, just getting blown out every weekend is not very exciting.”  Though J. Herrington would not admit it, the Sardar brothers deserve the Credit for brilliant play!  Each are their brother’s keeper.

Inside the Fantasy’s Top 10

1. Mahrez Attacks (67):  It hurt typing that name at the top, but Mr. Rich is playing great.  [1250 pts]
2. TBD (23): Cinderella found her fucking slipper.  Watch Out! [1136]
3. Muchados (9): Two Cinderella?  They’re sisters!  Unstoppable right Now. [1074]
4. ManChestHair United (1): Quietly Undefeated, Boyle has been flying under.  His opponent this week though has a tremendous artillery and looks to blow him out of the sky. [1001]
5. Dethohol: Another Fantasy Surprise, manger McDonnel has been taking fantasy almost as seriously as his drinking.  Look for him to stumble, and knock everybody’s drinks onto the floor. [923]
6. Fallow for Now: Pat Cain seems destined for mid table dominance.  Though he has many offensive weapons (and a few tricks up his sleeve), he walked under a ladder and broke a hand mirror a few tears back.  4 more years of bad luck.  [668]
7. Tig-ol-bitties: On his WC, and on his own, this fantasy genius will work through the growing pains, and figure it out against Downing [452]
8. Downing Young Boys: He probably should have used his Wildcard [331]
9. Poppy Cock F.C.: Trying to overcome a rocky start, this fantasy legend looks to soar up the able to reclaim his former glory! [330]
10. Car Ramrod: Is this the highest position for Cooper’s team?  Sadly yes. [230]

Others Receiving Votes:

4XMLS Fantasy Champ — [193] Curse of the Champion;

F.C. Pitch Punters—[110]  Honeymoon is over;

Floppers—[35] Not the worst team in the league

Hater’s Gonna Hate—[1] Worst team in league

By: Ken Fletcher

1. Zaen Sardar – Kahl Drogo

Fought his way to the top of the table, and has yet to be defeated. Which is a great spot to be in. However, it’s just a matter of time before he has to actually cross that ocean though.

2. Diego Rich – Walder Frey

Decides to wildcard a perfectly good team to ensure a gw3 win. That’s as useful as setting up the red wedding to gain control of Riverrun. Kinda overdramatic for something you could have just had anyway.

3. Eoin McDonnell – Samwell Tarley

Stumbled his way into three victories, the same way Sam stumbled across some dragonglass. Too bad he doesn’t know what to do with it.

4. Faris Sardar – Bran Stark

While in real life he’s the older brother of our league’s leader, in the league he’s the lesser. And just like Bran, is a couple of unexpected slayings away from being the heir apparent to the Stark’s claim to the throne. Like Bran, he could end up accidentally being the unexpected leader of the 7 kingdoms, if only his team wasn’t crippled.

5. Mark Boyle – Bron

A highly underrated character in most seasons, this sellsword could defeat any knight in the King’s guard. Now if he can wait til after the deadline for that Dornish wine bottle service.

6. Pat Cain – Tyrian Lannister

A mastermind who understands the game better than those that have worn the crown. Unfortunately he’ll never wear it himself.

7. Ken Fletcher – Robert Baratheon

A once great and fierce warrior, has lost too many times since wearing the crown. His lone championship season has no heirs apparent. Every year he’s able to battle with other fierce warriors, only to be defeated by boars (or bores).

8. Tom Kleinschmidt – Rickon Stark

Another lesser brother in terms of fantasy, and after last week’s loss, he, like Rickon, is set up for way less of a storyline.

9. John Cooper – Gendry

As a bastard with bloodline to the king this rookie was once thought to have a future claim to the crown, then after gw3 he got on a boat with the onion knight, and now we’ve forgotten he was even a character.

10. John Kleinschmidt –Petyr Baelish

Little Finger loves to brag about his team value, so he’s the default master of coin. He would probably prefer to own a brothel, than win this game of thrones.

11. Randall Herrington – Ghost

Oh no, not John Snow’s trustworthy direwolf. He’s just some random ghost floating around somewhere above the wall, or in Dorn, or in Qarth… I’m not exactly sure where, but it’s for sure not part of the storyline.

12. Anthony Monjure– Hodor

Hodor.

13. Brian Barrette – John Snow

Being the MLS champ is like being in charge of the Night’s Watch, it’s probably a big deal to those people that live near the wall, but the rest of the world doesn’t care.

14. Jeffrey Herrington – Cercei Lannister

Being Queen regent is like having a banner, it looks good in the castle, but few take it seriously. Look for Jeff to take her famous walk of shame over and over again this year.

Muchados -6 Dethohol
Poppy -1.5 ManChestHair
TBD -8 Ramrod
DYB -4.5 Old Bits
Diego’s Team Name -1.5 MagicJack
MLS -0.5 Pitch
Floppers Pk Haters

By: John Kleinschmidt

A long time ago in a fantasy league far, far away…

EPISODE VII

The Dark Side of Fantasy

Bluegrass SuperLiga

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth in six days.  Then he created man on the seventh.  6,000 years later, man created the English Premier League.  A few years later a brilliant man created Fantasy English Premier League.  Finally, God sent a man of humble beginnings, to spread the word, and take his chosen people, the lost tribe of Liga…Inside The Fantasy.  So stop scrolling Netflix, get your hand out of that bag of Cheetos (or off your wang Jeff), and let go of your life’s ambitions, because you’re about to be taken “Inside the Fantasy” ©

A Game of Thrones:

Those who write history, control the future.  For all those new to the Wide World of Fantasy, winning your fantasy league for males, is the new pissing contest.  But when rookies come in like this year, winning, upsetting the balance, things get a little crazy.  The Vets, as they have been called in several articles, have ended up just pissing all over themselves.  (Jeff Herrington is already on his third set of pants).  Unfortunately for the Newbs, it is difficult to understand, getting excited about the past, or the celebrated names on the other side of the computer screens.  Inside the Fantasy therefore, will become Inside the History for this session.

The Champions:

Liga has four champions playing in the league this year.  All survived 38 weeks of Fantasy Fireworks to claim ultimate supremacy over friends and foes alike, all four understand what it is like to look down from the mountaintop, feeling the pride that swells in their breast, experincing the tender taste of victory that only a Champion can know.  These four champions:  Ken Fletcher, Diego Rich, Brian Barrette, and the prodigious, John Kleinschmidt.

Ken Fletcher:  The only champion to win in his Rookie Year, Mr. Fletcher won year 2 with an impressive combination of luck, good fortune, and divine will.  Mr. Fletcher is legendary for his over analysis paralysis, knowing more about the EPL then anyone in the league.  Unfortunately, his knowledge overwhelms his decision making process, and he has failed in every year to reclaim his former glory.  He is however, a formidable opponent, and any victory over Mr. Fletcher is much deserved.

Diego Rich:  No longer the good guy, Mr. Rich is probably the most controversial champion in Fantasy history.  Mr. Rich has been linked to many scandals, including collusiongate, bluegrassgate, and WTFgate.  Somehow, his reputation has remained in tact.  In the most famous loss in Fantasy history, Mr. Rich lost year two because Aguero removed his Jersey after celebrating scoring the game winning goal in the 90^th minute, earning a Yellow Card (-1), and a loss for Mr. Rich.  He was that close to winning the league!  But year three showed why he has the heart of a Champion, winning by the second highest margin in fantasy history.  He has been irrelevant ever since, except perhaps this year.

Brian Barrette:  Before winning last year, Mr. Barrette was known as the greatest Fantasy player never to win the title (Pat Cain holds that title right now).  The Current Champion of our group, Mr. Barrette is the favorite to win the first Bracelet, $800 prize money, and the glory.  He has three top three finishes, three golden boots (most points scored), and has dominated MLS Fantasy soccer at the same time.  A win over Mr. Barrette, and you can consider yourself a Vet.

John Kleinschmidt:  The originally OG, Mr. Kleinschmidt is the only Champion to win the golden Boot and the Championship in the same year.  He also won the league by the widest margin in fantasy history!  (GW 33, or something sick).  Though he has been the center (some say victim) of several fantasy scandals over the last couple of years, his records still ripple throughout the fantasy world.

Honorable Mentions:

Not all the Vets have won a title.

Pat Cain:  the wizard of Liga, finished in the top 3,000 out of 3,000,000 participants in the world last year.  Already, his Albrighton mid-fielder pick has been compared to Rain Man counting how many toothpicks fell on the floor…246 (there were four in the box).  Inside the Fantasy Pegs Pat Cain as a second favorite to get the bracelet bling, and beating him, is like beating ken Jennings on Jeopardy, its difficult.

Mark Boyle:  Starting his third year, Mr. Boyle is quickly becoming a name in fantasy, like Mike Huckabee is becoming a name for president.  He had a top table finish last year, which was an improvement on his forgettable rookie season.   Inside the Fantasy has taken note of Mr. Boyle managing skill however, and put him top of the Watchlist!

Jeff Herrington:  The Donald Trump of fantasy, Mr. Herrington is famous for making up awards for himself.  He has “won” many banners, the equivalent to “close but no cigar.”  Winning a Banner will fluctuate depending on where Mr. Herrington finishes in the table (at this moment, we all get Banners!!!).  He is also famous for the Herrington Tumble, which deserves an exclusive article when it happens.  This could be an El Nino year, because the Tumble looks to have come early.  But if not, like the earth spinning on its axis, it will happen.

Inside the Fantasy’s Watchlist

1. Boyle:  Ready for a Breakout/down year?
2. The Sardar Brothers: An incredible story so far.  But are we watching a tragedy or a comedy, or both.  Probably Both
3. Randy Herrington: Looking to pick up his brother’s rifle, as Jeff appears caught in the barbed wire, being riddled by machine gun fire

By: Lord Jonathan ‘Pip’ Thornberry

It’s Monday night, week 2 has just wrapped up and Haters Gonna Hate manager Jeffrey Herrington is seated behind a large Mahogany desk holding a Cohiba in his right hand. It seems an odd time to be lighting a victory cigar as Haters have stumbled out of the gate to a 0-2 start.

“We’ll be fine,” he says, reflecting on the uncharacteristic early season struggles. “I’m just focused on the terrific start the JB4 have gotten off to. 6-2 combined? Two of the top three in the table? I’m loving what these guys are doing right now.”

JB4 (Jeffrey’s Boys 4) are the four promising rookie managers: John Cooper (Car Ramrod), Randall Herrington (F.C. Pitch Punters), Faris Sardar (The Muchados) and Zaen Sardar (TBD) brought into the SuperLiga this season by the legendary Haters manager.

Pre-season Rookie of the Year candidate John Cooper has an early victory despite the cruel loss of his lone goal keeper in back to back games due to red cards.

“John’s got what we would call ‘big-time potential’,” Jeffrey comments. “I think you’re going to see him in the hunt late for a banner (top 4 finish). The sky’s the limit.”

Randall Herrington bounced back from a season opening loss with a win this past weekend on the strength of his early-adopter Kun Aguero move.

“I can’t imagine the pressure on Randall having to come in and play in what is such a large shadow cast by that Haters name,” Jeffrey observes. “5 banners in 5 years? Are you serious? It’s hard to believe we’re talking about the possibility of Haters hanging a 6th banner in as many years. As you can imagine those are some large footprints to have to follow in. But I think he’ll do just fine.”

Jeffrey gets up from behind his desk and turns to pull down a photo off the wall behind him.

“These two right here are my crown jewels,” he says, holding up a framed picture of Faris and Zaen Sardar. “These are my special boys.”

Special indeed. Two games in and the Sardar brothers are 4-0 combined. As the chorus of haters grows louder these two appear only to be getting stronger. Their attitudes at this point are reminiscent of Jeffrey’s “Fueled by Hate” motto from last season.

“What you have with these two is a competitive spirit and drive that’s hard to match,” Jeffrey says. “We could be looking at a Charlie-Eddie Murphy type combo here.”

This weekend the master gets his first crack at one of his students. One would expect the outcome against Faris Sardar and the Muchados is of secondary concern to the thrill that must come for the Haters’ manager with lining up against one of the JB4 for the first time.

“Hold up now, don’t get it twisted,” Jeffrey says after returning the photo back to its place on the wall. “I need a motherfuckin’ win. Sure, I’m proud of what these guys have done, but I’m going to bury this son of a bitch.”

Spoken with the confidence that only a true champion could possess (while technically having never actually won a championship).

By Ken Fletcher

The year of the noob continues. New players up at the top of the table dropping soft serve terds all over the league. In fact two Coleman owners sit at the top of the table, and one of them had the team of the week. Everton keep their first cleansheet in their last 17 away matches and two teams had a front row seat. Wait, why am I even hating, again? The first place team does in fact have two Everton defenders, but they played neither of them this week. Well to be fair not playing Baines this week, wasn’t exactly a choice. Anyway maybe this tree is casting shade on the wrong side of the league.

The question is, are the noobs getting lucky, or are the vets just playing poorly. The relegation battle has begun, with 3 former league champions and Jeff at the bottom of the table. Fantasy-know-it-alls apparently know nothing. The players you could rely on in season’s past, have looked, quite frankly, past it. As well as their managing counterparts.

No brainer selections have turned us into managers without brains. Now I know how Mourinho feels. I feel like Chelsea leaving the Etihad, my head firmly in one hand, why the other is busy knocking away the chunks of falling sky.

Hazard last year’s player of the year – 3 points

Rooney returning to the lone striker role has at least returned an accidental assist.

Walcott playing as many minutes as I can hold my breath, has caused his point total and potential to both be underwater.

Ivanovic, always good for a gw1 goal, and several early season cleansheets, continued his troll-like season, with the good old 90 minute 0 point afternoon. Which only helps the argument, for those that say, “there’s 0 point to owning him.”

The list continues. Many of these players have caused our teamsheets to go from looking wounded, to requiring major surgery in a matter of 180 minutes. A firesale over the weekend has overall bank into a world of overdraft fees.

GW2 Breakdown

Team of the Week: Dethohol

A former Dzeko owner falls assbackwards into the top score this week. Kompany now with 2 shots and 2 goals. Those are Gomis-like numbers (a player they also own). Gomis with a pk last week, and scores a goal with his one shot on target this week. Ignore the fact that this was against a horrible team who played down a man for more than half a game. On top of that, his accidental double Everton defense added 19 to his score. I could go on, but ugh even I can’t stand how much of a sore-loser this makes me sound at this point.

Worst Team of the Week Hater’s Gonna Hate Himself

In a very March-like Ken move, Jeff gives away a game by going -4 and still not fielding a full team. Wait this isn’t an injury riddled team in late spring, that doesn’t have a wildcard in their back pocket? Oh it’s gameweek 2? Whammy. Don’t worry I’m sure he still thinks he has the best team in the league. Ignoring the fact he has to start a part-time Aston Villa attacker and that his dollar store defense should continue to average this week’s outlay of 4 points a week.

Matchup of the Week

TBD vs tig-old-bitties

Here we see two out of the top three scoring teams in this newly assembled not-so-super-liga.

TBD’s double everton defense will go up against freescoring city. So look for them to retain their place on the bench, allowing the freewheeling midfield of Ayew (sun) and chadli (lei) to spearhead the attack.

Tig’s rag tag group of differentials could come good once again this week with Cababye, Mata, and Kane leading the charge.

Fletchermetric Lines (Pre-Transfers)

could it b magicjack -4 manchesthair

4xMLS Fantasy Champ -3
downing young boys

poppy -1 floppers

haters -2.5 muchados

fc pitch punters -0.5 dethohol

tbd -0.5 tig-old-bitties

pooponastick -6 car ramrod

Team of the Week Prediction – Could it be MagicJack

Worst Team of the Week Prediction – Car Ramrod

By: Jeffrey Herrington

Looking back at the recent past it’s hard to recall a sensation that evoked as much of a response as did the Sardar boys opening day stunning dual victories over the defending champion and a guy who finished top 3k in points in the world last year. Their managerial prowesses have been called into question, producing such gems as:

“Not sure if Faris auto-selected or is just picking cool names to have on his team.”

“Our highest scorer didn’t even bother to pick a team of starting players or naming it.”

“Mucha(dos) wishes there was an auto-compete button.”

Week 2 is upon us. Back to back losses could leave some big names in a hole early. Last week’s ranking in ellipses. First place votes following the team name.

1.(3) AnythingAyewCanDo… (42)

The only team in the Preseason Top 7 that got a win in week one. When Manager Rich gets going he can be tough to catch.

2.(4) Could it b MagicJack (30)

Posted a nice number in his opening game loss to TBD. His Albrighton selection and team set-up has garnered league-wide praise as he appears to have picked right back up from where he left off last season.

3.(1) Haters Gonna Hate (27)

Tripped up late in week one leaves Haters desperate to get off the mark against a stout Manchesthair United squad. Wegner and Herrington have been getting a similar question from supporters this week. “But…this is supposed to be our year…right?”

4.(2) 4xMLS Fantasy Champ (1)

Put up a solid week one score only to be nipped late by The Muchados spectacular Smalling substitution.

5.(6) ManChestHair United

Left 2 big points on the table in an opening day draw to the Floppers. Looking for that first win against a Haters squad that has historically had his number.

6.(8) Car Ramrod

The chorus of voices tabbing Manager Cooper as the odds on favorite for Rookie of the Year continues to grow after his classy week one victory against the Young Boys. How will he fair as the spotlight continues to grow brighter?

7.(5) Downing Young Boys

Dropped a tight one against the heralded rookie in a match defined by his placement of the armband on a guy that didn’t even make the starting XI. Right on track for another .178, 34 HR, 71 RBI season.

8.(11) TBD

Can shut up his critics real quick if he can slay his second fantasy giant in successive weeks.

9.(10) The Floppers

Managed a opening day tie and has the opportunity to make a statement this week by knocking off the rankings’ newly minted number one.

10.(13) Dethohol

Stunned the fantasy world with some late magic against Haters and looks to continue his hot start against the defending champ.

11.(12) tig-ole-bitties

Took care of business in week one and is a name that is starting to emerge as a legitimate second choice in early rookie of the year voting.

12.(14) The Muchados

His week one victory has been scrutinized and criticized like few victories before. Can he silence the haters and get out of the gate at 2-0?

13.(7) Poppy Cock F.C.

This week’s biggest dropper put up a paltry 24 points setting up a matchup of first vs. worst this week.

14.(9) F.C. Pitch Punters

Will be desperate to get out of the basement on the strength of his early King Kun acquisition. Lots of questions marks surround this squad right now.

By: John Kleinschmidt

A long time ago in a fantasy league far, far away…

EPISODE VI

A New Hope

Bluegrass SuperLiga

Welcome back once again for the fantasy news source that gets down and dirty in the wide world of fantasy English Premier League football!  So put down that drumstick, turn off that porn, and ignore your loved ones, because you are about to be taken where all the football fanatics’ dreams become wet; buckle up, because you’re about to enter “Inside the Fantasy”©

The Brothers’ Grim:

You may have noticed that Liga has three sets of brothers playing this year, The Kleinschmidts, The Herringtons, and The Sardars.  Of these brothers, four are rookies, one is a legend (think Messiah), and one is still vying for his first fantasy hardware in year SIX.  Since nearly 6/14 = 3/7 of the league belong to these brother groups, Inside the Fantasy wants to take a closer look at which family name is set for table dominance.

The Sardars

Inside the Fantasy is delighted to have the Sardar brothers playing in Liga this year.  Zaen and Faris put the Gentle in Gentleman, as they politely put together teams that will be beaten so badly, somebody should take out Emergency Protective Order to help them.  To their credit, they’re newbs, and were held at gunpoint by Jeff to play (some friend).  Surprisingly, both brothers took down fantasy legends last week, though the credit should go to the programmer who came up with the algorithm that picks a team at random. But with both brothers at 1-0 , there may be light at the end of the tunnel!  It’s probably a train though.

The Herringtons

If Randy is half as competitive as Jeff, then Randy would be the second most competitive player in the league.  Unfortunately, competitiveness doesn’t always translate to winning, and there is no better example of that than Jeff Herrington.  To his credit, Jeff is always in the conversation, like a guy with tourettes. (Yes we hear you!)  The brother to watch is Randy, who Inside the Fantasy believes is better suited to break the Herrington curse and win the title (not this year, of course).  If that happens, Thanksgiving is going to be cold.

The Kleinschmidts

As Tom Kleinschmidt proved in the first gameweek, beating a Herrington, the Kleinschmidts are going to be tough to beat.  Both Brothers are fantasy legends.  John has been compared to Vince Lombardi, Jackie Robinson, and Tim Tebow.  Tom Kleinschmidt has been a Legend in the American Football realm, for nearly a generation.  Tom plans to bring the pain to Liga as a true sports dualists, like Bo Jackson.  And Bo Knows pedigree, The Kleinschmidts are a tough out.  Look for both brothers to finish in the top four, and Inside the Fantasy will not be surprised to see nine consonants + three vowels on the Bracelet this year.  See the Kleinschmidt Brothers in action as they both battle the two Sardar brothers, which should be both blowouts.

Ranking the Brothers:

4.  The Sardar Brothers

2.  The Herringtons

1.  The Kleinschmidts

Picks of the week

POPPY C0CK F.C. easily over TBD, who still has not picked a team name.

Haters Gonna Hate loses in straight sets to ManChestHair United.  Dark days forecasted for Haters, it could be a bumpy season.

Floppers over ★pooponastick.  Poops head may not be in the game, his team looks like it was put together by a mad scientist.  It’s Alive, but its ugly.

Could it b MagicJack, the wizard of fantasy easily over ★ Downing Young Boys.  Downing struggling to find the right combination in the mid field, and his defense looks like $hit.

Car Ramrod runs into F.C. Pitch Punters, and gets a flat.

tig-ole-bitties smashes The Muchados.  Mucha wishes there was an auto-compete button.

★4xMLS Fantasy Champ loses in a squeaker to ROY candidate Dethohol, who was born in Ireland, which is practically England.

By: Mark Boyle

One word summarizes Week 1 – Who? Reality and fantasy coincided perfectly as no names scored goals all over the pitch and rookie fantasy teams took the veterans behind the woodshed. Out of the 26 players who scored a goal, this league had a total of 6 of them. 6… Those who spent hours researching and tinkering with lineups saw their hopes go down the drain while others simply auto filled and were catapulted to fantasy success. There were 5 veteran vs. rookie matchups. Rookies went 4-0-1. Unlikely this trend continues as the cream always rises to the top but I’ll tip my hat to them this week. Except those who chose Dzeko. If there was ever a fantasy version of “Come on Man!!, you kids would be on it.

Week 1 fantasy killer – Courtois. I think he wins this hands down. You could make an argument for all the blanks (Hazard, Sterling, everyone on Arsenal (my sincere apologies for that effort elder Kleinschmidt), Benteke, Kane, etc…) However no one sent teams in the wrong direction for this week and upcoming weeks quite like Thibbie. Hopefully the guys who picked him have a good backup plan or a week 2 goalie transfer is in the cards. And that’s like having to use a waiver wire pick on a kicker in fantasy throwball.
Week 1 fantasy stud – Yaya. But, no one had him. So I guess Cain wins by default by somehow starting Marc Albrighton. Well done…I think.

My personal (“I hate that guy”) player – David Silva. For those who have bet horses with me, he’s my Little Mike. A horse who finishes up the track when I have money on him but looks like the next superhorse when I’m on the last leg of a Pick 4 and he’s not on my ticket. Screw this guy and that horse.
Fantasy team of the week – tig-ole-bitties. The first team I came to who didn’t have Dzeko, Ings, Cuadrado, or Schweinsteiger in their lineup. Not sure if Faris auto-selected or is just picking cool names to have on his team.

Best player only one team has – (tie). How Cabaye, Darmian, Kolarov, Payet, and Wijnaldum are owned by only 1 team each is a complete mystery. But Dzeko is owned by 2. Perhaps an even greater mystery. And yes Randy I would say Aguero but pretty much everyone will have him within a few weeks.
Week 2 sees me taking on the Commish aka the Chael Sonnen of this league. Win, lose, or draw, Sir Jeff is always confident in his abilities just like Mr. Sonnen. This will no doubt come down not between all the stuff Ken mentioned but instead, a battle of wits between Ritchie and Sinclair. May the best low priced midfielder win.

Speaking of Ken, we all welcome you back to the world of technology this week. The things we sometimes do for women. Please let Winchell’s know we would like them to start being cool again and show more games than Aston Villa/Bournemouth. Regardless, I had a great time with those that made it out.

This was a little rushed so I apologize for any incorrect grammar or spelling. I’ll get more in depth next week when I have more time. Good luck to all this week. And screw David Silva.

By: Kenneth Fletcher

To be the overall winner of this game a player must average right around 63.85 per gameweek throughout the season. Not a good start for any of us to be fair. Our highest scorer didn’t even bother to pick a team of starting players or naming it. 54 points is a respectable score for week 1 though it may be time for them to wildcard. To be fair it wasn’t the worst assembled side I saw. I’d say at least two of the league noobs picked their team by selecting the old faithful “auto-complete” button, as this is the only logical reason anyone would have for putting Dzeko in their side, as he plays for Roma.

So fear not fellow veterans, unless your name is Pat Cain, you can bet on not being so unlucky for an entire season.

Best Noob Team Assembled – Car Ramrod

I’m not naming this the best team based soley on the fact that they beat me, but the team has coverage from all the big teams and requires the least amount of surgery going forward.

Best selection: Wijnaldum

I’m just going to assume this guy is a huge PSV fan as he paired this selection with Memphis.

Worst selection Jagielka

Everton are no longer a defensive powerhouse, coupled with a very difficult opening fixture list, in addition to Jags having an overinflated goal tally last year, makes me think this was a blind cost/points selection. Easily remedied and I didn’t mind their opening fixture as a one week rental.

Worst Noob Team Assembled – Raise your hand if you have Dzeko

Best Selection – Rooney and Pelle

One of these horrendous teams at least managed to get one player right. Rooney should serve most teams well during the first 3 weeks that Aguero will try to get match fit. Rooney’s playing the lone striker role for the first time since the hair plugs. Maybe he can find the back of the net this week on his own without defensive assistance.

The other’s most expensive (and only starting striker) is Pelle. They must have read into Pelle’s previous hot starts in and out of the PL and thought lighting would strike again, as he showed his form throughout the preseason. They obviously looked 6 weeks into the fixtures and thought Pelle could easily bag 5 from 6 with the likes of Newcastle, Watford, Norwich, West Brom on the schedule. OR they thought that Graziano was actually Pele.

Worst Selections – Dzeko, Schweinsteiger, Ings, Schneiderlin, Young, and double Coleman.

Is this the result of Auto-Complete sides, or just not knowing how the game works?

Best Vet Team – Could it b MagicJack

Pat does it again, mixing flair with budget sensibility. Albrighton dropping 15 off boosted his score, but his team assembled with such balance he’s able to have Sakho come of the bench for him this week.

Best Selection – Albrighton/Worst Selection – None

Worst Vet Team – I guess myself

A lot of the vet teams behind Pat have similar makeup, which is no surprise, as they’ve all asked me my advice and I told them to get everyone they have sans LOLarov.

Best Selection – LOLarov

Sure fire week one cleanie, 3 shots on target (most for any defender), and took the lionshare of fks. With Clichy injured, he has little worry of rotation and was my top scorer of the week.

Worst Selection –Walcott (Captain)

Decided to go against the grain of our leagues apparent only Hazard/Rooney agreement and paid the ultimate price. I could have captained anyone else on my squad (sans Ivan) and survived the week.

GW 2 Matchup of the Week Prediction – Haters v Manchesthair

I’ll give the slight edge to Manchesthair this week, with his current keeper advantage, but this game will Boyle down to Haters front 3 vs United’s expensive midfield. An epic 4 differential battle, that’s usually reserved for matches post x-mas. Starting the season with 2 of your season allotment of 10 losses used up, will really hurt your bracelet chances this year gentlemen. Saddle up.

Fletchermetric Lines (Pre-Transfers)

Fletchermetic Predictions

Team of the Week – MagicJack and Poop O/U 52.5

Worst Team of the Week – Muchados O/U 43.5

By: Jeffrey Herrington

14. The Muchados

The first of the rookie Sardar brothers to appear on this list and most likely to be playing “Team Autofill” week one.

13. Dethohol

Rookie manager Owen (spelled Eoin, what?) looks to parlay his love of footy into Superliga success.

12. tig-ole-bitties

Kleinschmidt the younger is hoping that his years of fantasy football experience has him dropping bows on the Superliga like so many times before with his baby older brother.

11. TBD

Sardar the second comes in like a wrecking ball with all the excitement of a team that is named “TBD”.

10. Floppers

Mark Boyle protege, Anthony Monjure has the last name of someone that seems like they would know about soccer. And men’s gold bracelets.

9. F.C. Pitch Punters

The Ozzie Canseco to the legendary Haters Gonna Hate manager, Randall Herrington is looking to make a name for himself in his rookie season.

8. Car Ramrod

Early Vegas favorite for Rookie of the Year, John Cooper looks poised for a big campaign based on his confident statement, “Yeah, I’m sure I can figure it out.”

7. POPPY C0CK F.C.

Known as the Gimel Martinez of fantasy soccer for his “great efforts” and not letting those “series of setbacks” get him down over the years, Manager Kleinschmidt the elder has SuperLiga glory on his mind.

6. ManChestHair United

Displaying flashes of brilliance only to be letdown in the end is not only what Manager Boyle often hears from the ladies, but is also a good description of his first two years of fantasy play.

5. Downing Young Boys

Manager Ken Fletcher is known to be somewhat of a gunslinger, never afraid to roll the dice, even when most of the time the dice bounce off the table and Ken loses $200 in a side bet with the guy next to him because the dice don’t make it all the way across that line in the carpet.

4. Baby Winhosa

Manager Pat Cain is fresh off a break out year in which he finished top 5k in the world in fantasy soccer as well as number of women’s professional soccer hashtags used #magicJack

3. pooponastick

The Babe Ruth of fantasy soccer. Minus the hookers. And likeability.

2. 4xMLS Fantasy Champ

The question hanging over Manager Barrette all offseason has been whether or not all the distractions that come with moving to D.C. to “get Donald Trump elected” are ultimately going to cost him the Superliga crown.

1. Haters Gonna Hate

I swore I wasn’t going to put myself number one but then facts and historical statistics kept getting in the way.

Have a great season homies!