His Name is Yoshida manager, Mark Boyle, celebrates a perfect start to his 2017-18 Bluegrass Superliga campaign.
*Preseason ranking in parenthesis, first place votes after the team name. Historical performance, form, team value, points and table position used in the calculation.
14(13). Pitch Punters 0-0-2
Did the Superliga expand too quickly? Those looking to make an argument to that end need to look no further than the Pitch Punters as their proof. This elder Herrington managed squad is starting to feel a lot like Next Friday and Chris Tucker still ain’t walking through that door. You know who is? Another D Mid.
13(14). Black Flan 0-0-2
It’s rare to see a fantasy manager re-enter the fold after several years of absence. Mgr. Vance is showing that even after being away from the game for half a decade you can pick right up where you left off and maintain that same level of ineptness we all grew to love to play over the years.
12(12). TBD 1-0-1
Some managers make a name for themselves with titles or historic late season runs or by accumulating a rafter full of banners. Mgr., Z. Sardar’s claim to fame is leaving the greatest ghost team of all-time. Expectations aren’t quite as high this season.
11(9). Red Cards 0-0-2
Mgr. Monjure is shaping up to be a player in the same vein of his mentor, Mgr. Boyle. He’s at the party, having fun and then about 1:30 you look over and he’s passed out and somebody has drawn a dick on his cheek. Will this be the year he’s finally tea-bagging others as the night draws to a close?
10(11). WeirdUnmarkedVanDijk 1-0-1
Mgr. Psimer makes his Superliga debut this season. With a background in film there is a rumored documentary in the works that will follow the VanDijk’s meteoric rise all the way up to 5th place before sliding back and finishing the season in 12th. It is to be rated “R” for “Relegation.”
9(10). Car Ramrod II (1) 2-0-0
No one makes you forget that they’re in the league like Mgr. Cooper. The Superliga’s Tiffany Trump is off to his best start yet but don’t look away or you’ll miss his two episode appearance on Dancing with the Stars.
8(7). MamaSedKnockaertUOut 1-0-1
Mgr. Cain is known as a “maestro of math” and is feared for his prodigious application of statistical analysis to his managerial decisions in fantasy EPL. Unfortunately, 7th place plus 10th place plus 12th place = Never Challenges for Titles.
7(8). Poopsonsticks 1-0-1
Like your uncle, a former street ball legend returning to the court for the first time in a decade, Mgr. Rich insists that this is the season when he recaptures glory that has long faded. With most everyone pulling for a Poop renaissance, it’s hard to get too enthused after watching him take half an hour to get his various knee braces on.
6(5). WayneKaneDavidBlaine 1-0-1
Mgr. Kleinschmidt can tell you ad nauseam about how great he once was. But unfortunately we’re only left to reference a picture from that time of a man wearing a blue jean jacket with a bandana tied around his wrist. No longer flush with that Bugle Boy cash, expect his self-proclaimed reinvention this year to come in the form of a loosely buttoned silk shirt.
5(2). Downing Young Boys 0-1-0
Mgr. Fletcher styles himself as an Aaron Judge like figure — aiming to capture the league’s heart with each towering blast — when in reality he’s Tim Tebow, fighting back tears as he leads the team in prayer on the bus after a tough loss in Sioux City.
4(6). The Muchados 1-0-1
His championship in his first fantasy season was met by a chorus of groans and endless insinuations that it was a fluke of the highest order. When he showed up at last season’s white table cloth dinner in a wife beater and reeking of Stetson cologne, those perceptions were widely reinforced.
3(4). His Name is Yoshida (7) 2-0-0
When you see Mgr. Boyle’s squad from a distance you can’t help but to think they have the look of legitimate title contenders. But upon closer inspection you’ll see they’re wearing two-striped Adidas’ and their jerseys are made by the shoe giant, “Nire.””We’ll see about that,” Mgr. Boyle responded as he took a sip from his “SunBucks” coffee, flashing his brand new “Relax” watch.
2(3). 5X MLS Fantasy Champ (40) 2-0-0
Mgr. Barrette’s consistency over the years has placed him in the position as the lone challenger to Haters’ claim of G.O.A.T. fantasy manager. But if we’re fair he comes up a little short. He’s the Ft. Lauderdale to Haters’ Miami. The Vin Diesel to Haters’ Rock. The chopsticks to Haters’ fork. And that ain’t half bad.
1(1). Haters Gonna Hate (52) 1-1-0
Where to start? Champion. Golden boot. 6th banner in 7 years. Some have compared Mgr. Herrington in awe inspiring terms to that of the Eclipse, if the Eclipse could benchpress 300 pounds and rap along verbatim with several Kanye songs.
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