bluegrass superliga

By: John Kleinschmidt

Liga: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Bluegrass SuperLiga. Its six-year mission: to explore strange new players, to seek out new finds and new differentials, to boldly go where no Fantasy league has gone before.

EPISODE IX

Traditionalism

Bluegrass SuperLiga

Recently, Archeologist in South Africa discovered ancient hominids, a new ancestor of Homo Sapiens that is sure to lend clues of our species origins.  Possibly 3,000,000 years old, the discovery was significant because they discovered fragments not of one specimen, but of many, old, young, male, female, lending evidence that these human ancestors buried their dead, an incredible find.  But what shocked archeologist more, was a piece of parchment containing writing on it that was clasped in the skeleton hand of one of the males.  The writing, written in ancient Sumerian, contained one word…Aguero.  Scientist were baffled at the meaning.  One man however, who long ago ate from the tree of knowledge, has come forward to spread the light, and take humanity, and 14 lonely souls…Inside the Fantasy to discover the meaning.  So open a window, get some fresh fall air, and stop spreading rumors about all your officemates (we know, Debbie is whore) because you’re about to be taken go “Inside the Fantasy” ©

It’s a fantasy tradition

A day is 24 hours long, a year is 365 days; Christmas is on December 25, and a President serves a four year term.  These are examples of a things that don’t change.  In fantasy, at least from the beginning, there are two things you can actually bet your mother’s life on…The Herrington Tumble and Kenweek.

As a traditionalist organization, IF has always supported both events with equal vigor.  For all you newbs, The Herrington Tumble is when Hater’s Gonna Hate Manger Jeff Herrington positions his team at the top of the table, then he starts doing Herion or something, and his team collapses spectacularly.  During this time, Manager Herrington goes conservative, but not the Regan kind, more like Trump mixed with Nixon who’s dating Jesse Ventura.  Its tremendously entertaining, tragic for those fans of the Hater’s franchise.  Who can forget the titanic tumble of 2010, or the tragic tumble of 2011, or the terrible tumble of 2012, or the tectonic tumble of 2013, or the tremendous tumble of 2014, or the tragic tumble redux of 2015.  But the hipsters have ruined everything, and tradition is thrown by the wayside.  The tumble may not happen this year, because it seems, Mr. Herrington has let his addiction take hold of him, and let’s face it, you can’t tumble when you’re already laid out on the floor, with two broken legs and whiskey drunk.  So the only hope of reviving this tradition, is for IF’s second favorite tradition to happen this weekend…Kenweek.

Kenweek was coined many years ago by Mr. Herrington, when he realized that despite his problems with fellow divisional rivals like Poppy, Poop, or Brian, he always, no matter if he was within the cruel grasp of the tumble, He beat Ken Fetcher.  Who can forget the Christmas miracle? He went something like 9-0 against Mr. Fletcher, it was beautiful.  But tradition once again took a backseat, as Ken got his first victory in Kenweek last year.  When interviewed for the story, Mr. Fletcher said “He didn’t even give me a gg last year, it hurt.”  He wiped away a couple of tears and continued, “It’s not a rivalry if only one person cares.”  Well Ken, The millions of Inside the Fantasy subscribers care.

The point:  Tradition is being eroded.  If Ken wins, the tumble, Kenweek, and everything we have valued, and fought and died for, may have been in vain.  On the other hand, Liga is boldly going where no fantasy Liga has gone before, and fuck tradition.  Where do you stand?  Please feel free to leave a comment.

Inside the Fantasy’s Top 10:  Previous ranking in [ ]

1. [1] NaughtonThePienaar (69): His ranking is as inflated as his Ego, but someone should whisper in his ear, “Remember, you are still mortal.”  [1250 pts]
2. [2] TBD (31): Surprised to still see him up here?  I am.  [1136]
3. [4] ManChestHair United (1): The Boylemaker, hard liquor mixed with sweet suds.  Now if he can only hold it down. [1074]
4. [3] Muchados : Questions have been asked, does Sardar the younger have any answers?  He does, if falling down the table is an answer. [1001]
5. [9] Poppy Cock F.C.: Are biggest mover since the last poll, Mr. Kleinschmidt has his team in position to battle for the bracelet.  Legend [923]
6. [8] Downing Young Boys: Moment of truth for ken in Kenweek, tradition dictates a loss, can he defy tradition?  Prediction: Nope [668]
7. [NR] 4XMLS Fantasy Champ: Defending Champion Brian Barrette finally acting like he gives a shit.  Still, this may be the highest he reaches in this poll.
8. [5] Dethohol: Targett captain?  He must be drunk. [452]
9. [NR] Floppers: Welcome to the Top Ten Anthony!  Being nice, I’ll go ahead and say goodbye  [331]
10. Tig-ol-bitties: Hanging on by his finger tips, Kleinschmidt the younger is going up against big brother, who never let him win at anything, except the last fight when they were teenagers, and you threw him on the couch, punching him, and pummeling, he let you win that one [225]

Others Receiving Votes:

F.C. Pitch Punters — [193] Hey, he’s moving up in the others receiving votes table;

Cathcartache Tonight—[110]  Pat, this is a head to head league; forget the points

Hater’s Gonna Hate—[35] Not the worst team in the league, but still really bad.

Car Ramrod—[1] Worst team in league; Did you put oil in the engine?

By Ken Fletcher

Team of the Week: Poppycock United

I know you’re sitting there saying, “John?! John is your team of the week? Ken, YOU had the team of the week!  You scored 83 points!  That’s more than Kobe ever scored in a game.” Sure, of course, my team is pretty great, we all know that.  I mean obviously I had a gameweek rank of 670, launching my overall rank just outside of the top 100k.  Sometimes things just go your way.  But our league is about Head To Head matchups, and in this case Poppy had a groundbreaking week.  In probably the largest non-familial rivalry game in the league, Poppy did the unthinkable to defeat his opponent.  He busted out the triple captain chip, and possibly changed the game forever.  Sure common sense would say, “Hey, use the triple captain chip and/or the bench boost chip on double gameweeks, so you’ll end up with the largest score possible.”  John took a dump all over that logic in a big wet way.  He realized that his game against Jeff would come down to maybe 1 or 2 players (KDB vs Coutinho).  He knows his opponent well enough to know exactly who he’d captain (Aguero) and took advantage of that knowledge.  By playing the triple captain chip against a seemingly identical team, he all but assured himself a victory in the gameweek and redefined how everyone will look at their chips ever again.  One, slight problem, he could only do that once.  Good luck with the rest of your season John.

Worst Team of the Week – About Nothings

Sure Dethohol scored a low number, but the poor guy never stood a chance, so there’s no need to pile it on.  Besides he’s already made 3 transfers this week, and half the league has midweek games to be played, so I’m sure he’ll be right back in the argument for gw7.  The Muchados squad gets the honors for worst team of the week.  And to be fair, the team they have isn’t even bad, they just all decided to blank at the same time.  But in the end, there’s just really no excuse for losing to Randy.  I mean it’s Randy.  Didn’t he go -4 and still start Wanyama on purpose? Yes, yes he did.

Matchup of the Week

NaughtonthePienaar vs Muchados

Two teams tied for first in a head to head battle for sole possession of first place.  I say that because no Sardar brother can beat Randy the league legend, so I’m predicting the winner of this matchup will be alone at the top of the table.  Not a lot of healthy players separating these two teams, and this game may ultimately come down to which of their superstar players will recover from their respective minor injuries.

Fletchermetric Lines (Pre-Transfers)

Manchesthair -9 Dethohol

Floppers -2 4xMLS

Old Bits -2.5 Poppycock

Ramrod -4 Cathcartache

Pitch -3 TBD

DYB pk Haters

Team of the Week Prediction – Haters Gonna Hate/Downing Young Boys

Worst Team of the Week Prediction – Dethohol