By: John Kleinschmidt
A long time ago in a fantasy league far, far away…
EPISODE VII
The Dark Side of Fantasy
Bluegrass SuperLiga
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth in six days. Then he created man on the seventh. 6,000 years later, man created the English Premier League. A few years later a brilliant man created Fantasy English Premier League. Finally, God sent a man of humble beginnings, to spread the word, and take his chosen people, the lost tribe of Liga…Inside The Fantasy. So stop scrolling Netflix, get your hand out of that bag of Cheetos (or off your wang Jeff), and let go of your life’s ambitions, because you’re about to be taken “Inside the Fantasy” ©
A Game of Thrones:
Those who write history, control the future. For all those new to the Wide World of Fantasy, winning your fantasy league for males, is the new pissing contest. But when rookies come in like this year, winning, upsetting the balance, things get a little crazy. The Vets, as they have been called in several articles, have ended up just pissing all over themselves. (Jeff Herrington is already on his third set of pants). Unfortunately for the Newbs, it is difficult to understand, getting excited about the past, or the celebrated names on the other side of the computer screens. Inside the Fantasy therefore, will become Inside the History for this session.
The Champions:
Liga has four champions playing in the league this year. All survived 38 weeks of Fantasy Fireworks to claim ultimate supremacy over friends and foes alike, all four understand what it is like to look down from the mountaintop, feeling the pride that swells in their breast, experincing the tender taste of victory that only a Champion can know. These four champions: Ken Fletcher, Diego Rich, Brian Barrette, and the prodigious, John Kleinschmidt.
Ken Fletcher: The only champion to win in his Rookie Year, Mr. Fletcher won year 2 with an impressive combination of luck, good fortune, and divine will. Mr. Fletcher is legendary for his over analysis paralysis, knowing more about the EPL then anyone in the league. Unfortunately, his knowledge overwhelms his decision making process, and he has failed in every year to reclaim his former glory. He is however, a formidable opponent, and any victory over Mr. Fletcher is much deserved.
Diego Rich: No longer the good guy, Mr. Rich is probably the most controversial champion in Fantasy history. Mr. Rich has been linked to many scandals, including collusiongate, bluegrassgate, and WTFgate. Somehow, his reputation has remained in tact. In the most famous loss in Fantasy history, Mr. Rich lost year two because Aguero removed his Jersey after celebrating scoring the game winning goal in the 90th minute, earning a Yellow Card (-1), and a loss for Mr. Rich. He was that close to winning the league! But year three showed why he has the heart of a Champion, winning by the second highest margin in fantasy history. He has been irrelevant ever since, except perhaps this year.
Brian Barrette: Before winning last year, Mr. Barrette was known as the greatest Fantasy player never to win the title (Pat Cain holds that title right now). The Current Champion of our group, Mr. Barrette is the favorite to win the first Bracelet, $800 prize money, and the glory. He has three top three finishes, three golden boots (most points scored), and has dominated MLS Fantasy soccer at the same time. A win over Mr. Barrette, and you can consider yourself a Vet.
John Kleinschmidt: The originally OG, Mr. Kleinschmidt is the only Champion to win the golden Boot and the Championship in the same year. He also won the league by the widest margin in fantasy history! (GW 33, or something sick). Though he has been the center (some say victim) of several fantasy scandals over the last couple of years, his records still ripple throughout the fantasy world.
Honorable Mentions:
Not all the Vets have won a title.
Pat Cain: the wizard of Liga, finished in the top 3,000 out of 3,000,000 participants in the world last year. Already, his Albrighton mid-fielder pick has been compared to Rain Man counting how many toothpicks fell on the floor…246 (there were four in the box). Inside the Fantasy Pegs Pat Cain as a second favorite to get the bracelet bling, and beating him, is like beating ken Jennings on Jeopardy, its difficult.
Mark Boyle: Starting his third year, Mr. Boyle is quickly becoming a name in fantasy, like Mike Huckabee is becoming a name for president. He had a top table finish last year, which was an improvement on his forgettable rookie season. Inside the Fantasy has taken note of Mr. Boyle managing skill however, and put him top of the Watchlist!
Jeff Herrington: The Donald Trump of fantasy, Mr. Herrington is famous for making up awards for himself. He has “won” many banners, the equivalent to “close but no cigar.” Winning a Banner will fluctuate depending on where Mr. Herrington finishes in the table (at this moment, we all get Banners!!!). He is also famous for the Herrington Tumble, which deserves an exclusive article when it happens. This could be an El Nino year, because the Tumble looks to have come early. But if not, like the earth spinning on its axis, it will happen.
Inside the Fantasy’s Watchlist
- Boyle: Ready for a Breakout/down year?
- The Sardar Brothers: An incredible story so far. But are we watching a tragedy or a comedy, or both. Probably Both
- Randy Herrington: Looking to pick up his brother’s rifle, as Jeff appears caught in the barbed wire, being riddled by machine gun fire
bluegrass superliga 