By Ken Fletcher
The year of the noob continues. New players up at the top of the table dropping soft serve terds all over the league. In fact two Coleman owners sit at the top of the table, and one of them had the team of the week. Everton keep their first cleansheet in their last 17 away matches and two teams had a front row seat. Wait, why am I even hating, again? The first place team does in fact have two Everton defenders, but they played neither of them this week. Well to be fair not playing Baines this week, wasn’t exactly a choice. Anyway maybe this tree is casting shade on the wrong side of the league.
The question is, are the noobs getting lucky, or are the vets just playing poorly. The relegation battle has begun, with 3 former league champions and Jeff at the bottom of the table. Fantasy-know-it-alls apparently know nothing. The players you could rely on in season’s past, have looked, quite frankly, past it. As well as their managing counterparts.
No brainer selections have turned us into managers without brains. Now I know how Mourinho feels. I feel like Chelsea leaving the Etihad, my head firmly in one hand, why the other is busy knocking away the chunks of falling sky.
Hazard last year’s player of the year – 3 points
Rooney returning to the lone striker role has at least returned an accidental assist.
Walcott playing as many minutes as I can hold my breath, has caused his point total and potential to both be underwater.
Ivanovic, always good for a gw1 goal, and several early season cleansheets, continued his troll-like season, with the good old 90 minute 0 point afternoon. Which only helps the argument, for those that say, “there’s 0 point to owning him.”
The list continues. Many of these players have caused our teamsheets to go from looking wounded, to requiring major surgery in a matter of 180 minutes. A firesale over the weekend has overall bank into a world of overdraft fees.
GW2 Breakdown
Team of the Week: Dethohol
A former Dzeko owner falls assbackwards into the top score this week. Kompany now with 2 shots and 2 goals. Those are Gomis-like numbers (a player they also own). Gomis with a pk last week, and scores a goal with his one shot on target this week. Ignore the fact that this was against a horrible team who played down a man for more than half a game. On top of that, his accidental double Everton defense added 19 to his score. I could go on, but ugh even I can’t stand how much of a sore-loser this makes me sound at this point.
Worst Team of the Week Hater’s Gonna Hate Himself
In a very March-like Ken move, Jeff gives away a game by going -4 and still not fielding a full team. Wait this isn’t an injury riddled team in late spring, that doesn’t have a wildcard in their back pocket? Oh it’s gameweek 2? Whammy. Don’t worry I’m sure he still thinks he has the best team in the league. Ignoring the fact he has to start a part-time Aston Villa attacker and that his dollar store defense should continue to average this week’s outlay of 4 points a week.
Matchup of the Week
TBD vs tig-old-bitties
Here we see two out of the top three scoring teams in this newly assembled not-so-super-liga.
TBD’s double everton defense will go up against freescoring city. So look for them to retain their place on the bench, allowing the freewheeling midfield of Ayew (sun) and chadli (lei) to spearhead the attack.
Tig’s rag tag group of differentials could come good once again this week with Cababye, Mata, and Kane leading the charge.
Fletchermetric Lines (Pre-Transfers)
could it b magicjack -4 manchesthair
4xMLS Fantasy Champ -3
downing young boys
poppy -1 floppers
haters -2.5 muchados
fc pitch punters -0.5 dethohol
tbd -0.5 tig-old-bitties
pooponastick -6 car ramrod
Team of the Week Prediction – Could it be MagicJack
Worst Team of the Week Prediction – Car Ramrod
bluegrass superliga 